Six reasons to Elect me As President of the SBC

5 Mar

As some of you may know, I was nominated as president of the SBC recently by one of my followers on Twitter. To my surprise, a second quickly followed. I take this opportunity to publicly state that I accept the nomination. I look forward to a lively debate with the other nominees. Please allow me to outline some of the reasons I should be president of the SBC.

An anon twitter personality has never been elected president of the SBC. I know this may come as a surprise to you, but it is true. Fifty-nine times we have elected a president.  The SBC has existed for almost 170 years and not once have we elected an anonymous twitter account as president.  I think it is time that those of us without a face or name have a voice. Electing me as your president would be a historical moment, crashing the glass ceiling that has kept so many from their destiny.

I would have dunking booths at the annual meetings. Let’s face it, there are polarizing figures in the SBC. I would have these figures inside the dunking booths. Messengers could take their turn at dunking those who represent movements in the SBC they believe to be detrimental. This would also serve as an opportunity to immerse those within the convention who hold to sprinkling as a mode for baptism. It would also help to relieve stress caused by things such as the reading of the comment section of blogs.

I would discourage boycotts. Let’s face it; they don’t seem to be working. I have a plan to show how much I support discouraging boycotts. Whenever someone is elected as President of the SBC confetti will fall, balloons will descend,   and with a camera in his face the new president will declare “I’m going to Disney World!” I believe that would make a statement to a watching world of just how serious we are at boycotting boycotts.

I would retire certain slogans that churches put on their signs. I am aware that some of our churches hold in high esteem certain catchy phrases that continue to appear on SBC church signs across America. Retiring these slogans will show them that while we hold the pithy statements in esteem it is time for others to take their place. Never again would we have to see phrases such as:

“Ch_ _ch, Guess What’s Missing? U R?”

“We’re Not Dairy Queen, but our Sunday’s are Great!”

“You Think it’s Hot Here?”

At the annual convention there will be a scheduled time in which we play soft music while showing certain church sign slogans on a screen. At the end of the presentation we will have a short prayer. An “In Memoriam” page containing the slogans will be in your book of reports. This I promise as your new president.

New churches would have to have their name approved by a committee. I am speaking specifically of church splits that result in new church starts. Such churches would be discouraged from identifying with titles like Unity, Fellowship, and New Beginnings. Alternative names would be suggested such as “Madder than Fire” or “We Were Right” Baptist church.

We would make the floor time at the Convention more interesting. If we are being honest, many of us come to the convention simply for the questions and comments that come from the floor. We need more time for this. I would double the amount of time presently allocated. As well, the well-known characters would have theme music playing as they walked to the mic. The music would be tailored to the stereotype we have of that individual. For instance, Al Mohler would enter to the Jeopardy theme song. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to have Michael Buffer on standby either.

If the individual surpassed the allocated time given the following steps would be taken:

First, the speaker is warned by the moderator.

Second, background music would be played (like at the Oscars).

Third, the fire alarm would be pulled.

These are just a few of the ideas I have as President of the SBC. If time permits, I may outline a few more. With your help I hope to be the first of my kind to hold this office. I hope I can count on you. 

What 40 Year Old me would Say to 25 Year Old Me

24 Feb

 

I was 25 when I became a senior pastor. That was 15 years ago. Honestly, I’m a little down about this whole age thing. I’m looking back a little. Time has gone by so quickly. I have been reminiscing about life in the ministry. In looking back I have come to the conclusion that it would have been great if there were a mentor in my life to prepare me for ministry. The reality is, at that point, I was so hard headed I probably would not have listened to anyone. I was pretty independent. The only person I would have listened to was me. I wish 40 year old me had been around when I was 25. I would have listened to him. That brings me to this blog post. What would 40 year old me have said to 25 year old me?

1. You’re an idiot. I don’t think I would take that well if it came from anyone but me. After all, if anyone knows if I am an idiot or not, it’s me. As a young man I thought that I knew so much about ministry. I was wrong. I knew very little. Don’t misunderstand me, I was informed. I had a solid theological base. I was well read in the area of church growth and church health. I had attended conferences gleaning insights from powerful Christian leaders. But I was in no way prepared for the pastorate. I figured if we needed finances I would preach on giving. If we needed salvations I would preach on soul winning. Once I preached, I assumed everyone would jump on board and revival would break out. I was wrong. It took me a while to discover that I knew very little about ministry.

2. Mushrooms are cute, but you can’t hang a tire swing on one. It is easy to go to a church and start new ministries but bail when the hot sun comes out. We can decorate the landscape with our cute little ideas every two or three years. But our cute little ideas are like mushrooms. Go back to that church a year later and you can’t even tell we were there. Longevity is important. If we are going to make a difference in the life of a church we had better be in it for the long haul. Patience is necessary if we want to see a church grow for the glory of God. There is a great danger in using churches to build a resume. I think the greatest danger is to our family. Our family can become spiritually frustrated moving from place to place. We certainly aren’t helping churches when we move about too quickly. Oak trees take a long time to grow. They suffer through every season of the year many times over. Finally they become stable. When an oak tree grows it’s there for generations to enjoy.

3. People over 50 have cried a lot more than you. A 25 year old often lacks empathy. We usually haven’t buried many people. Our children are not old enough to have rebelled yet. We haven’t sent sons and daughters overseas. Most of us have not been divorced. I don’t mean to fault the younger person. It’s simply how things are. That’s a good thing. Ministry is about serving people for the glory of God. People are how they are, for the most part, because of life experiences. Serving people in the position of pastor means that you are there to walk with them through dark times. When we cry with a person we anchor a spot in their life. They remember when we mourn with them. Be careful about rushing through the heartache at church. Make the most of it. Never make light of it. The tears of your congregation are more important than you can imagine.

4. Bi-vocational is not a four letter word. It seems everyone wants to be in “full time” ministry. I have experienced the pastorate from the bi-vocational perspective. Never allow anyone to make you feel like you are a “sub pastor” because you work two jobs. The greatest freedom and joy I have experienced in ministry was when I was bi-vocational. If you do it right, you gain a respect from your congregation and a perspective of how difficult balancing church and work can be.  

There is a danger of becoming trapped in a particular area or church because of finances. For the young pastor, life happens fast. Rather than being led by the Spirit we can be loaded down with our new obligations.  A full time pastorate guarantees a pay check. But depending on a church, as many do, for housing, health care and income can lead to being trapped at that location. There may be a temptation to stay even when God says go. If at all possible, make sure that the church is not your only source of income. There is nothing wrong with taking a position as an associate pastor or the pastor of a smaller church.

5. Preach to people not at people. Preach the word. Do it verse by verse. But preach to people. This is another thing that can be difficult when you are young. Experiencing life through the cross makes us better preachers. For example, I’m convinced that as we get older we have more of a desire to preach on heaven. Honestly, how many young guys do we hear waxing eloquent on the celestial city? The Bible is written to people and it’s meant to be preached that way. Look at your people when you preach. I know everyone says look over their heads so you don’t get nervous. Don’t listen to that advice. Look at them when you preach. Don’t try to impress them with your passion or intellect. Take Christ from the pages of Scripture and march Him right into their lives. Identify with their weaknesses. Challenge their level of devotion. Don’t give them a speech. You’re not a speaker. They sell those at Wal-mart™. You are a preacher. People know the difference when they hear it. Sermons are not a work of art, they are a work of the heart. When you connect with people through the Word of God you will begin to see a difference in the lives of people.

6. The first to ask you over may be the first to escort you out. As young pastors we often see people in two ways: those who are for us and those who are against us. We would also like to identify those two groups as quickly as possible. When someone asks us to come to their home we assume they are for us. That excites us. Sadly, those who seemed to be our biggest fans sometimes switch teams. We feel hurt and betrayed. I have discovered that the people in church I have been closest with are often very quiet. I have a theory about this. I believe that wise people wait and watch. They are not too eager in drawing conclusions about people.  We can learn a lot from them. God hasn’t called you to a church to make friends. That happens, obviously. He calls you to a church to make disciples. Making disciples of Christ should be your goal as a pastor. Don’t be too eager to develop close friendships in the church. Those friendships will come. And they may be with the people you least expect.

7. Thank people. I still have to remind my kids to say “Thank-You”. Young people often have a problem with that. We have been catered to for so long I guess we just take it for granted. Know this, if you succeed as a pastor it will be because God has put some amazing people in your life. God uses His people. He has used His people to put a bag of groceries on my table, literally. He has used His people to put gas in my tank. He has used His people so I would have enough money to take my family on vacation. In the pastorate you will see God use His people, especially when you are young in the ministry. Don’t take that for granted. Thank the people that God puts in your life. Write a note, make a phone call, stop by their home, but please say Thank-You. As pastors we are often guilty of complaining about the immature and carnal in church. Let’s not let that be what people remember about us. Our testimony should be one of thankfulness.

There’s so much more I could say to 25 year old me. But I know I couldn’t handle much more than this at one time. So I’ll stop for now. These are simply a few things I needed to hear 15 years ago. I hope they help.

When Calvin Met Amy

10 Feb

On a cool morning at a well-known coffee shop, Valentine’s Day was about to get interesting. Two very different people would meet. Their chance encounter would open up doors that neither of them thought they would ever enter. Things changed, when Calvin met Amy.

 

“Excuse me sir. You’re really holding up the line, could you hurry up and order please? These folks really need some caffeine,” said the petite young lady as she patiently waited behind an indecisive young man.

 

“I’m sorry. I never know what to get. This happens every time. I always feel weird when I have to make a choice, especially in front of other people,” he replied sheepishly.

In an instant the young lady suggested, “I’ll tell you what, go find a seat; I’ll order you something & bring it to you.”

With a look of puzzlement he replied “ You’d do that for me? Thanks a lot. Here’s a ten, bring me back the change please”.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s on me,” the young lady said with a grin on her face.

“Great, I’ll be sitting right over there… in the reserved section” said the young man anxiously.

The young lady received her order and proceeded to deliver the hot gift to her new friend. After a moment of awkwardness he managed to ask her if she would like to join him in enjoying a warm drink. After a moment of hesitation she agreed to share a bit of her morning with him.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that your name is Grace, am I right?” he asked.

“No, my name is Amy. What ‘s yours?“ she replied.

He said “My name is Calvin. It’s good to meet you Amy. And by the way, this Skinny Latte is not something I would have chosen for myself, but I have to admit, it’s not too bad.”

After some small talk about the weather and the crowd at the mall it was clear that there was some chemistry between the two. They thought it odd the way they had met. Calvin had a meeting that had been previously arranged with some coworkers, but it seemed the coworkers were not going to show up. Amy, who had never visited that particular coffee shop just decided on a whim to stop in for a latte.  The fact that it was Valentine ’s Day added a little romance to the situation as well.

Valentine’s Day is actually what changed the conversation. Amy mentioned something about Saint Valentine and before he knew it Calvin responded with “You know he was a heretic, don’t you?” There had been no mention of religion yet so Calvin felt a little embarrassed. He hoped he hadn’t ruined anything. Sensing his embarrassment Amy replied with “I saw something on TMZ about that.” The two shared a laugh.

Religion was very important to Calvin, however. Wanting to know more about Amy he asked her if she was a Christian. She let him know that she was indeed a believer in Christ. As the two discussed their relationship with Christ they soon discovered something about them that was different. Calvin was a Calvinist and Amy, well, she was not a Calvinist. Aware of the stereo types and a little uncertain about what this meant for their chance encounter, the two delved deeper into conversation.

Calvin decided to display his knowledge of Amy’s theology. With all the tenderness of a butcher he explained to her what she believed. “The center of your religion is man. You don’t understand how sinful we really are. At the end of the day you get the credit for your salvation That doesn’t sound like grace to me. It sounds like works.” At that point he began to quote chapter and verse to prove his point. He waxed eloquent for a couple of minutes.  

Amy was somewhat afraid and upset over what she discovered about Calvin. So she decided that she would share with him what she knew about Calvinists and allow him to respond. So with all the courage she could muster up in rapid fire she blurted out

“I know that you all are trying to take over the Southern Baptist Convention.”

“I know that you don’t believe in witnessing.”

“I know that you don’t believe God loves everybody.”

“I know that you think we all are robots.”

“I know that you pretend to understand what John Piper is talking about.”

As she tried to catch her breath Calvin stopped her. “Whoa, slow down. Wow. I have to stop you. I think you may be a little confused”. Calvin felt his heart break as he saw tears well up in Amy’s eyes. And he couldn’t help but recognize that she seemed to be even prettier than before. He felt awful because it was obvious he had hurt her. Things had been going so well. He wasn’t sure where they were headed next. The two composed themselves.

As they sat in silence, a middle aged woman took the table next to them. It was clear that she was tired. Her makeup was faded, her hands a little shaky. Calvin glanced over at her and greeted her politely. “Happy Valentine’s Day” he said. She smiled and said “Happy Valentines to you too!” Amy resisted the great urge to interrupt their conversation with “You know, he was a heretic.”

“You two look like a fine couple”, the woman said looking at Amy. Not knowing how to respond Amy asked her “So, do you have big plans today?” Amy was not prepared for where that question would lead. The woman, whose name they discovered was Eunice did not have big plans. She would go home and get some sleep so she would be prepared for her midnight shift once again. It was an odd thing that happened in that coffee shop. The woman opened up to Calvin and Amy as if she had known them for years. Her husband had died a relatively young man. She would never remarry. The kids were scattered about, they visited occasionally. It was clear to both Calvin and Amy that God had opened a door in that coffee shop.

After some time Calvin asked Eunice about her relationship with Christ. She made it clear that she didn’t have one. Amy, graciously spoke to her about sin and its consequences. She spoke of God’s redeeming love revealed at the cross. She spoke of the hope that the resurrection brings. She told Eunice that forgiveness could be found by the grace of God through faith in the finished work of Christ. With a soberness that could be felt Eunice looked at Calvin and asked “Do you really think God loves me?” With certainty he said “I know He does.”

The conversation had attracted the attention of some folks at another table. They watched as Calvin, Amy and Eunice joined tables and hands for a time of quiet prayer. As the prayer ended the three stood and embraced for a moment. Providentially the three exclaimed “Praise the Lord!” in unison. Calvin took Amy by the hand. And a voice shouted from a nearby table “I’ll have what they’re having!”

Why I’m Pro-Laugh

9 Jan

I am unashamedly pro-laugh. Now don’t misunderstand me. I know there are times we shouldn’t laugh. I’m not going to laugh if your cat dies. I don’t think we should laugh at funerals or natural disasters. There is a soberness that must characterize the preacher. But I am also pro-laugh. The context of this blog is church. I am in my 15th year of vocational ministry. I have been to church virtually every Sunday (AM/ PM) and Wednesday of those 15 years. That’s a lot of church.

It hasn’t been easy. There have been great and wonderful seasons. But there have been trying ones as well. I can honestly say that some of the meanest people I have ever met, I met in church. To be fair, some of the best people I have met have been there as well. But it’s those mean ones that really stick out. Let’s be honest. No one leaves the ministry because of all the nice folks. Frustration comes from the difficult people.

There was a time when I really let things get to me. I still allow some things to get to me more than I should. But I have learned to cope. Now I allow myself to laugh at what I see in church. I can almost feel the critical eyes reading this blog:

“People missing heaven ain’t funny!”

“Sin ain’t funny!”

“Spiritual ignorance ain’t funny!”

“Heresy ain’t funny!”

Chill out man. No one said it is. Good grief. But here’s a head’s up for us all. Church is full messed up people. I wrote about that in “Hello My Name is Church”. These people are going to aggravate us. Really dumb things are going to happen at church. Some of these dumb things are done to us, others are done by us. Dumb things are going to happen. Let me give you some examples:

* A guy shows up for the first time at your church. He is wearing a Dolly Parton T-shirt and carrying a guitar. You ask him “What are you doing?” He explains to you that he is going to play for the church. You tell him he isn’t. He tells you your church is horrible and he will never step foot into it again.

* Your wife misses a little church because she just had a baby. A rumor starts that you don’t allow your wife to attend church.

* You are sitting in your home (the pastorium) and a church member just walks in without knocking. After all she is a church member and the house belongs to the church.

* You mention a secular song to make a point in a sermon. Afterwards someone asks that you never do that again because it tempts them to go back into the world to live a life of sin.

* A church member says to you “That’s the reason me and you can’t agree, because you believe that book.”

These are just a few. All of those things were frustrating to say the least. I could let them really get to me. I could stew and stew until I burst. I have been tempted to do that. I have almost done that. I know folks who have given up because of the silliness and frustration of ministry. By God’s grace I have been able to hold on. I think one of the reasons is because I am pro-laugh. I’m not happy that any of these things happen. My laughter is more about the silliness of people. I’m a thinker. So I will sit back and analyze a situation. Almost always I am able to come away with a smile.

Social media is a lot like church. The Unappreciated Pastor gets rebuked regularly. In fact I just got rebuked as I was writing this. I tweeted earlier:

“ I’m convinced if you can’t laugh at what happens at church you’ll leave because of what happens at church.”

 Some guy said

“Church isn’t a place to be “at,” but Christ’s Body on Earth. And when it meets, it should be no laughing matter.”

I have no idea what he is even talking about. He looks like a sensible person. So I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have to assume that people at his church laugh. I would hope they do. So how am I going to respond?  I’m just going to laugh. In fact I find that I laugh the hardest when someone yells at me on social media. That’s a lot better than starting a Twitter war.

I had a Calvinist bid me farewell and yell at me today because I said last night “I guess one of the strongest arguments for Calvinism is The People’s Choice Awards.” She went off on me about straw man arguments and such. I was baffled. That tweet is a Pro Calvinist Tweet!  The point was “Look what you get when you give the people a right to choose.”  She just didn’t get the tweet.

I think that is usually how it is in church. I think most people don’t get how silly they are being. It takes patience to be in ministry. It takes courage as well. But I am also convinced that we must be willing to laugh at ourselves and others. Not “Ha, Ha” but more of a “Oh man, this is so crazy” laugh.

I’m pro-laugh.  If you’re not I’m sorry. But I’m going to keep laughing. Laughing takes the edge off of the tough parts of ministry. Look at Twitter. Why are church parody accounts so popular among believers? Because they help us cope. They make us laugh. And not many people quit while they are laughing. Let’s be serious about the Lord, but not take ourselves too seriously.

Losing My Resolution

4 Jan

Losing My Resolution

A parody of Losing My Religion by R.E.M.

 

Oh diets, they’re bigger

Bigger than you and me

The lengths that I will go to

To minimize my thighs

Oh no I ate too much

I didn’t eat enough

 

That’s me with the cornbread

That’s me with the hot-fries

Losing my resolution

Frying up a thing or two

And I don’t know why I do it

Oh no, I ate too much

I haven’t ate enough

 

I thought that I heard you smacking

I thought you had hot wings

I think I thought I saw some pie

 

I want seconds

Every single hour

I’m choosing my refreshments

Trying not to have two

Like a herd of swine that dine, dine

Oh no I ate too much

I didn’t eat enough

 

Consider this

Consider  this, the diet of the century

Consider this, I slipped

With a bag of cookies, failed

What if all these calories just

Hang around

Now I’ve ate too much

 

I thought that I had a salad

I thought that I had some peas

I think I thought my dressing was light

 

But that was just a dream

That was just a dream

That’s me with the cornbread

That’s me with the hot-fries

Losing my resolution

Trying to lose a pound or two

And I don’t know if I can do it

Oh no, I ate too much

I didn’t eat enough

 

I thought that I had some taffy

I thought that I had some cheese

I think I thought I had chicken fried

 

Was that a Krispy Kreme

Try, cry, why  try

Was that a Krispy Kreme

Krispy Kreme, Krispy Kreme

Krispy Kreme

Top Ten games not To Play at the Church New Year’s Party

31 Dec

Usually on New Year’s Eve I find myself hanging out with people from my church. This is mainly out of guilt…and my complete lack of friends outside of the church. So throughout the years of attending church New Year ’s Eve parties I have discovered that there are some games you shouldn’t play. Here are the top ten:

 10. Twister. The fact is there just isn’t enough room on a Twister mat for very many Baptists. And trust me, you don’t want a pic of your face at the rear of the Chairman of Deacons floating around on Facebook.

 9. Truth or Dare. This just can’t go well. Especially if you are a pastor. If you pick “truth” they may be like “Do you have any resumes out?” If you choose “dare” the youth guy will have you shaving your eye brows.

8. Quarters. That’s the old drinking game. You feel a glass with beer. If you ring it you make someone else drink it, if you miss you have to drink it. Your pastor just isn’t going to feel comfortable with this going on. And in about thirty minutes someone is going to really loosen up & start saying things they have wanted to say for a long time. It won’t be edifying either.

 7. The choking game. This is the one the kids play. They choke each other until they pass out. It’s supposed to give some kind of a high. Now granted, there are some people at the party I know you would like to choke. But please don’t play this game. It’s really dangerous.

 6. 5 Card Draw. In my experience those who lose take it out of their tithe and the ones that win don’t consider the money income, so they don’t tithe off of it. So it’s best if everyone’s money stays in their own pocket.

5. Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. In this game folks lift a person with their fingers while they chant “Light as a feather stiff as a board.”  I can speak for Baptists, none of us are light as a feather. But a lot of us are stiff as a board.

4. Ouija Board. Don’t think that some of your church members don’t have a Ouija board laying around. When things get boring someone is likely to bring it out, “just for fun.” Halfway through the game you may get a knock on the door and find Elijah ready to call down fire from heaven. You have been warned.

 3. Chicken. This is the game where two cars race toward one another until one chickens out and turns away. This game is actually played at many churches on Sunday mornings between the two services. But it’s not a good idea to play it at the party. Especially if you have any rednecks with over-sized tires on their trucks.

 2. Seven Minutes in Heaven. You know, the game where you are locked in a dark room with another person for seven minutes. I mean, what if you and the worship leader have to go in there? Could you imagine the rumors?

1. Spin the Bottle. Just not a good idea. Ever. My daughter asked about this game the other day and my wife said, I quote, “You are never allowed to play spin the bottle…unless you’re married.” She’s right. This game is reserved for two players who are married to one another.

I hope you all have a happy new year. Be safe. Be wise. And if possible, just stay home.

I Lied Without Saying a Word

11 Dec

Life hasn’t been easy around my house lately. My wife had a bit of an accident. She made some chili for the world hunger night at church. After service was over she returned home without her crock pot. Realizing she had forgotten it and holding on to the hope that perhaps there was some chili left for her, she made her way back to the church. It was no great surprise when she discovered an empty vessel. I was in a meeting. My meeting expired while my wife was still at the church. I traveled the 100 yards to my home only to discover that my wife was not there. That isn’t anything new. She often stays at the church to fellowship with others.

I got comfortable in a T-shirt and some pajama bottoms. I sat down to enjoy a little TV while my daughter was getting a shower. After a few minutes I heard the alarm on my wife’s car go off, you know the honking of the horn that happens when you push that little button? I stepped outside and heard my wife calling my name. She was lying on the ground at the bottom of the steps of the church. Long story short, she broke her ankle.

Fast forward 5 weeks. We are at the doctor waiting to have her ankle x-rayed again. We are sitting in the lobby hoping our name is called soon. There are only two other people there. The door opens and in comes a big dude with lots of tattoos. He steps to the receptionist and explains that he has some fruit he is selling. She isn’t interested but says she will check with her associates and tells him to have a seat in the lobby.

This is where it gets interesting. I don’t know why but I attract “different” people. Normal people never sit near me. “Different” people do. Just as I expected he began making his way right over to me. So I’m thinking “Oh man this dude is gonna try to sell me some fruit & I’m just not interested.” So I decided to make a strategic, yet sinful move.  I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I know, I’m an awful human being.

A very short amount of time passed before I heard my name. No, it wasn’t from the receptionist. It was from the big rough looking dude. I opened my eyes and when I looked at him I immediately knew who he was. He was a guy that I knew from my hometown. I didn’t grow up in church. I lived an extremely rebellious lifestyle. My life was plagued with addictions and I have found myself in jail on more than one occasion. This was one of the guys I would run with. He was really excited to see me. He explained how Jesus had changed his life and he had heard that I had gotten saved as well. I introduced him to my wife and daughter and shared with him that I was now a pastor. We rejoiced in the saving power of Jesus in that lobby.

In the meantime the receptionist came back and shared that no one was interested in the fruit. My friend left. I was really quiet. I felt horrible. My wife broke the silence with “I guess we should have bought some fruit.” Which is exactly what I was thinking. But the whole situation gave me time to reflect. I can be really greedy with my money. Instead of being paranoid that everyone is out to get my ten bucks, I need to be concerned with how I can use my money to bless others. Especially with the gospel. Let’s be generous this year. Let’s use our generosity to bless saints and build bridges with sinners. I’m pretty sure that’s why God lets us have money anyway.

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